Unwritten Rules of Relationships

We are so proud to debut The Truth Uncut. From the start we wanted to do a show and now it’s finally here. We hope you all send us comments because we want to continue to improve the show and make it as engaging as possible and we need your suggestions, critiques, comments, etc.

In this episode we talk about being alone by choice in order to really get yourself together so you can stop dragging around excess baggage. The excess baggage we normally carry from relationship to relationship. If you take time to be alone, work out your issues and take out the trash; you’ll set yourself up for a healthy relationship.

Check out the show and leave us your comments.

I recently saw the movie “The Ugly Truth” which was very funny, but it did point out a very true fact.  The ugly truth is that men are shallow and do want a beautiful woman!  Does she have to be smart, funny, have a good family , morals , etc, etc, etc ?  Yeah, sure, but at the end of the day it starts and ends (sometimes quickly) with how she looks! Sorry ladies but its true.  EVERY man wants his woman to look good, period!

I know women want to believe that men will look beyond the superficial aspects of looks to see the inner beauty of a woman and they will IF she looks good enough for them to want to stick around.  Hell , the truth is, the better you look the more a man will put up with before he kicks you out.  An unattractive woman will be on a  short leash.  I have never met a man that didn’t want his woman to be gorgeous.  I have also never met a man that says ” My girl is dog ugly but she is so smart. I just love her!”   Ask any man a simple question.  If you could have the everything you love about your current woman in the body of  Beyonce or Carmen Electra, would you take it?  Trust me the answer would be yes; no matter what he says to your face.

Now, I am not saying every man ends up with a beautiful woman.   Thats another issue (which we’ll be talking about on our show).  Also, beauty is in the eye of the beholder but ugly is pretty clear.  So, ladies don’t be fooled, all the manicures, pedicures,  gym workouts, tummy tucks, breast implants, face lifts , botox, wigs and weaves do matter.  If you look good men are paying attention!  DAYUM!!!!, the truth is pretty ugly!

It’s a brand new year and the wedding season (April/May) is approaching. I believe in marriage and think it is a beautiful thing; when it’s with the right person and when the two are truly ready. Marriage is no walk in the park and it takes work, effort, strength, determination and sheer will to make it work. Many get caught up in the actual wedding day, but marriage begins day after the wedding. I’ve seen and known many women to get so wrapped up in the planning of the wedding and the actual wedding day; they didn’t understand the wedding day is just an event and marriage was nothing like that. I also know many people jump into marriage without even thinking about pre-marital counseling, which could attest to the high percentage of divorce in this country.

I have heard so many people say pre-marital counseling is stupid; it’s a waste of time; they don’t need it, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Pre-martial counseling serves many purposes.

• It clearly explains what marriage is and what to expect. We all think we know how marriage is going to be, but we don’t. We also tend to think it’s going to be full of teddy bears, unicorns and pink roses all the time and that certainly isn’t true. Marriage is challenging.
• It helps you get YOURSELF in order to ensure you are prepared to share your life with another individual.
• It assists the couple in talking about the important things that make up a life together, such as finances, children, religion, duties, etc. These things tend to be overlooked; as if you assume your significant other shares the same values as you and wants the exact things you want at the same time you want them; when in actuality, many people engaged don’t even broach these topics.
• It assesses any current issues between you as a couple that need to be straightened out for the betterment of your marriage.

In my humble opinion, I think bullet #2 is by far the most important. If you don’t work out the issues within yourself and get yourself together; how can you be any good for your significant other? People enter into marriage with all these issues, past resentments, excess baggage and unrealistic expectations and these are things that could have been worked out and dealth with beforehand if the couple would have taken the time to go through pre-marital counseling and honestly made that a priority.

Understand five sessions is most likely not going to get you what you need. Being patient and allowing the pre-marital counseling to take as long as it needs to will only make your entry into marriage that much more solid.

If you’re engaged, I urge you to take a look into pre-marital counseling. After all, the goal is to have a marriage that lasts and works, so why not give yourself the means to make that happen…

What is your position on pre-marital counseling? Of course, we want to know…..

We want to wish everyone a Happy New Year!

May this year bring you peace, harmony and many blessings.

I know you all have noticed the plethora of men wearing skinny jeans. Gosh, even typing it makes me wanna throw up in my mouth. I see all the young guys wearing them and some older guys too, which is just shocking to me. I initially thought it was a male teenage thing, but I was wrong. To top it off,  I have also noticed men are wearing two earrings; an earring in each ear. ENOUGH is ENOUGH! I’m wondering if you ladies out there think this is sexy or do you think it’s as ridiculous as I do???

Back in the day (damn I sound old when I say that), but back in the day, men/guys/boys dressed like men. There was a distinct difference between men and women. Men wore straight leg jeans or sometimes slacks and they damn sure weren’t wearing an earring in each ear. Who in the heck said this was ok?!?!?!  Personally, if I’m dating a guy and I’m wearing skinny jeans and earrings; you darn sure shouldn’t be wearing the same thing! Trend or no trend, can men just get back to dressing like men? I mean, is that too much to ask?

Now, that I got rant off my chest, I’d love to know what you ladies think about it. Actually, I’d also like to know what you men (who still dress like men) think about this as well.

Let us know……

I love Facebook and admit I spend a lot of time on there.  It’s a personal space for me to talk with my friends and family. I’ve been noticing a lot of people have the “It’s Complicated” Facebook dating status.  It got me thinking; why does a relationship have to be complicated? Better yet, why in the world do you want to be in a relationship that is complicated? When I see/hear it’s complicated I immediately think that individual is in some BS type of situation they clearly don’t need to be in or it wouldn’t be complicated. What kind of BS situation am I referring to? Well, let’s see. I think the one of the following:

1. Someone is involved with an individual that is married.
2. Your dating someone who isn’t quite ready for a commitment, but you are and you’re your hanging on hoping they’ll change their mind.
3. You got cheated on (or you did the cheating) and now you’re relationship is on shaky ground.

Why do we hang on to these complicated relationships? Are we waiting for a love fairy to come down and magically uncomplicate the situation for us?

Since we are embarking on a new year, I propose all of you with these “It’s Complicated” Facebook dating status’; take a real hard look into what’s making your situation complicated and determine if this is a situation that is truly good for you and if it’s not; have enough balls to end it and move on.

I don’t know about you, but it’s my goal to live a life that is as uncomplicated as possible. Who needs the added drama? I certainly don’t. Do you?

Yes, we’re still alive. I know it’s been a while, but we are back in full effect and are excited to announce some new things for Unwritten Rules of Relationships for the new year.

#1 The Unwritten Rules of Relationships radio show is coming. This will be a weekly show that you’ll be able to listen and subscribe to for free. We want our audience to be involved as much as possible, so we want your feedback, comments, suggestions on how to improve the show, what topics to talk about and whatever else you can think of. Just get involved and give us as much input as you can.

#2 We now have a Facebook Fan Page!! Become a fan and interact with us. This fan page is an extension of our blog; our community where we get to know each other a little better, so FAN US!

We’re still on Twitter and will be tweeting more in 2010, so if you’re not following us, please do so.

We are so excited to be back on track and cannot wait to get this conversation going. Happy New Year!!!

I WAS TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING – Beware: If you here this phrase, just go ahead and run for the hills. This has got to be one of the most dreaded phrases someone can utter.  The sad truth is just about everyone at one point in there life has said it to someone.  We all know what this phrase means.  It means I lied and that’s the truth!

How many times have you gone out with someone just because they were nice and you didn’t want to hurt their feelings?  How many of you have gotten married out of obligation instead of for love. Maybe you’ve been dating someone for 10 years and you figure, hell, I might as well get married [it's the right thing to do-right?].  Maybe you get pregnant and marry the guy solely because you’re trying to do the right thing. Maybe you’ve been dating a woman who has put up with your crap for years. I mean she was there for you when you had the car accident, you got locked up or whatever crazy thing that happened in your life; she was there for you every step of the way. You may really care for her, but deep down inside, you know she is not the woman who truly makes you happy, BUT  what do you do; you marry her anyway because she has been there for you and you feel obligated to do the right thing!

If you think doing the right thing is the best solution, ask yourself a question. What if YOU are the person being lied too? You may be in a relationship or marriage where you may love your significant other with every breath in your body, but can’t ever get that bond to grow deeper.  You may spend days, weeks, or even months trying to figure out what the problem is, where the disconnection is coming from. Then after all the talks, arguments, fights and mental frustrations, your partner finally tells the truth. It’s not that they don’t care about you  but they were just trying to do the right thing! Checkmate!!

I know, I know, it always seems easier to deal with the lie rather than be honest with the other person about how you truly feel about the situation. Know that whenever you enter into a relationship like this, it is almost always guaranteed to fail! So remember, doing the right thing isn’t always doing the right thing!!

What do you do when your spouse wants out of the marriage and you don’t? This is sadly the case in a lot of marriages today. People get married thinking, expecting and hoping it’ll last a life time and one day that dream becomes a nightmare when they’re faced with the realization that their spouse wants out.

A part of marriage is going through good times and bad times, lows and highs, but the idea is to stick it out and see your way through. But, when you’re the only one who even wants to see the marriage thrive, what are you supposed to do? How long are you supposed to hang in there? How long are you supposed to eat, live and sleep with someone who wants to cut you out of their life? How long are you expected to beg your spouse to work on your marriage? These are some difficult questions; especially for the person who’s wondering these things for him or herself.

The reality is you cannot force someone to care about their marriage and you definitely can’t force someone to stay in a marriage if they would rather be free. You can stay in the marriage always wondering if she’ll change her mind and want the marriage again or stay in the marriage in a state of panic wondering when she’s going to say those three horrible words; I’m Leaving You. It’s really a hard call. No matter who decides to call it quits and when; in all honesty, the only thing you can do is do your part and hold up your end of the bargain to the very end.

Have you ever been in this type of situation? What did you do? What would you if you were married and your spouse told you they wanted to be free?

In my adult life I’ve had my share of dating experiences, but none compare to the time I dated a mama’s boys. Let’s just say, this was not the best relationship in my dating book. To preface this post, I think it’s important I express how much I admire men who respect and love their mothers; I think it’s a great character trait for a man to genuinely love, respect and admire his mother. However, this does not mean that man should be so attached to his mother he is unable to maintain a healthy relationship with a woman.

Some women may not really know what it’s like to date a mama’s boy, so allow me to share my experience with you. I’ll give you a snippet of a specific occurrence that ultimately led me to ending the relationship.

The Scenario:
We were on a date spending some much needed quality time together. We had opposite working schedules and this was one of those rare times when we were both off and were able to actually spend the entire day together. Well, in the middle of our date his mother calls. Let me set the scene. We’re in the car heading to this restaurant we’d both been dying to try and I’m sitting in the passenger seat listening to him fumble his way through the conversation, unable to tell his mother we’re on a date. I look to him and I whisper, just tell her we’re on a date and you’ll come by tomorrow. He looks at me with intense fear in his eyes as if I’d just told him to cut off his mother’s right arm. He studders as he tells his mom we’re on a date. Well, this was apparently something she did not care about because they went back and forth for about five minutes. Can you all guess what happened next? I bet you can’t. Well, allow me to fill you in on the next set of events. He looks over to me and says his mom really needs him, so let’s just head over there and then we can continue with our date (o course in my mind the date was officially over and I am now officially pissed). Yes, he really said that. To end this particular scenario, let me just tell you what was so pressing that he had to interrupt our date. [wait for it] his mother could not get her new DVD connected to her television and needed him to hook it up for her (can we say super ridiculous and super needy).  This was the super important thing she needed help with; the thing he could not say no to. I swear I couldn’t make this stuff up if i tried. I wish this scenario was just a fabrication, but sadly, it is not.

This was the last straw for me. At this point I realized I absolutely could not deal with being in a relationship with a mama’s boy. I couldn’t imagine being married [till death do us part] dealing with playing second fiddle to my mother-in-law. It was something that made my stomach ache and I needed to end this relationship and that’s exactly what I did. From that point on I looked for signs of men being mama’s boys because I knew that was a deal breaker for me.

Questions to my female readers:

Have you ever dated a mama’s boy? If so, what was your experience like? Does it bother you dating a mama’s boy?

Are you married to a mama’s boy; how’s that working out for you?

Let us know. We so value and appreciate your thoughts and comments.