Unwritten Rules of Relationships

I WAS TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING – Beware: If you here this phrase, just go ahead and run for the hills. This has got to be one of the most dreaded phrases someone can utter.  The sad truth is just about everyone at one point in there life has said it to someone.  We all know what this phrase means.  It means I lied and that’s the truth!

How many times have you gone out with someone just because they were nice and you didn’t want to hurt their feelings?  How many of you have gotten married out of obligation instead of for love. Maybe you’ve been dating someone for 10 years and you figure, hell, I might as well get married [it's the right thing to do-right?].  Maybe you get pregnant and marry the guy solely because you’re trying to do the right thing. Maybe you’ve been dating a woman who has put up with your crap for years. I mean she was there for you when you had the car accident, you got locked up or whatever crazy thing that happened in your life; she was there for you every step of the way. You may really care for her, but deep down inside, you know she is not the woman who truly makes you happy, BUT  what do you do; you marry her anyway because she has been there for you and you feel obligated to do the right thing!

If you think doing the right thing is the best solution, ask yourself a question. What if YOU are the person being lied too? You may be in a relationship or marriage where you may love your significant other with every breath in your body, but can’t ever get that bond to grow deeper.  You may spend days, weeks, or even months trying to figure out what the problem is, where the disconnection is coming from. Then after all the talks, arguments, fights and mental frustrations, your partner finally tells the truth. It’s not that they don’t care about you  but they were just trying to do the right thing! Checkmate!!

I know, I know, it always seems easier to deal with the lie rather than be honest with the other person about how you truly feel about the situation. Know that whenever you enter into a relationship like this, it is almost always guaranteed to fail! So remember, doing the right thing isn’t always doing the right thing!!

What do you do when your spouse wants out of the marriage and you don’t? This is sadly the case in a lot of marriages today. People get married thinking, expecting and hoping it’ll last a life time and one day that dream becomes a nightmare when they’re faced with the realization that their spouse wants out.

A part of marriage is going through good times and bad times, lows and highs, but the idea is to stick it out and see your way through. But, when you’re the only one who even wants to see the marriage thrive, what are you supposed to do? How long are you supposed to hang in there? How long are you supposed to eat, live and sleep with someone who wants to cut you out of their life? How long are you expected to beg your spouse to work on your marriage? These are some difficult questions; especially for the person who’s wondering these things for him or herself.

The reality is you cannot force someone to care about their marriage and you definitely can’t force someone to stay in a marriage if they would rather be free. You can stay in the marriage always wondering if she’ll change her mind and want the marriage again or stay in the marriage in a state of panic wondering when she’s going to say those three horrible words; I’m Leaving You. It’s really a hard call. No matter who decides to call it quits and when; in all honesty, the only thing you can do is do your part and hold up your end of the bargain to the very end.

Have you ever been in this type of situation? What did you do? What would you if you were married and your spouse told you they wanted to be free?

In my adult life I’ve had my share of dating experiences, but none compare to the time I dated a mama’s boys. Let’s just say, this was not the best relationship in my dating book. To preface this post, I think it’s important I express how much I admire men who respect and love their mothers; I think it’s a great character trait for a man to genuinely love, respect and admire his mother. However, this does not mean that man should be so attached to his mother he is unable to maintain a healthy relationship with a woman.

Some women may not really know what it’s like to date a mama’s boy, so allow me to share my experience with you. I’ll give you a snippet of a specific occurrence that ultimately led me to ending the relationship.

The Scenario:
We were on a date spending some much needed quality time together. We had opposite working schedules and this was one of those rare times when we were both off and were able to actually spend the entire day together. Well, in the middle of our date his mother calls. Let me set the scene. We’re in the car heading to this restaurant we’d both been dying to try and I’m sitting in the passenger seat listening to him fumble his way through the conversation, unable to tell his mother we’re on a date. I look to him and I whisper, just tell her we’re on a date and you’ll come by tomorrow. He looks at me with intense fear in his eyes as if I’d just told him to cut off his mother’s right arm. He studders as he tells his mom we’re on a date. Well, this was apparently something she did not care about because they went back and forth for about five minutes. Can you all guess what happened next? I bet you can’t. Well, allow me to fill you in on the next set of events. He looks over to me and says his mom really needs him, so let’s just head over there and then we can continue with our date (o course in my mind the date was officially over and I am now officially pissed). Yes, he really said that. To end this particular scenario, let me just tell you what was so pressing that he had to interrupt our date. [wait for it] his mother could not get her new DVD connected to her television and needed him to hook it up for her (can we say super ridiculous and super needy).  This was the super important thing she needed help with; the thing he could not say no to. I swear I couldn’t make this stuff up if i tried. I wish this scenario was just a fabrication, but sadly, it is not.

This was the last straw for me. At this point I realized I absolutely could not deal with being in a relationship with a mama’s boy. I couldn’t imagine being married [till death do us part] dealing with playing second fiddle to my mother-in-law. It was something that made my stomach ache and I needed to end this relationship and that’s exactly what I did. From that point on I looked for signs of men being mama’s boys because I knew that was a deal breaker for me.

Questions to my female readers:

Have you ever dated a mama’s boy? If so, what was your experience like? Does it bother you dating a mama’s boy?

Are you married to a mama’s boy; how’s that working out for you?

Let us know. We so value and appreciate your thoughts and comments.