The way I have been made to feel is like I am on a Roller-Coaster Ride with all of it's ups and downs. Maybe she is Bi-Polar. I have no idea why she married me because I do not feel any love. I do not hear any love, and I get no love or respect.

In some ways yes at times I become a Mentally and Physically tired man. To many times I have felt that the best thing for me would be just to get a Divorce and end all the bullshit garbage.

I believe that to resolve issues each party must be willing to sit down and discus the problems while respecting the others opinion. That both parties should be allowed to present thier side of the difference. Both parties should have their time to speak respected. [that one should sit in the same room and close to each other while the discussion is going on.] That both should make suggestions about how to fix the problem. If one solution works for both people involved then it is an easy fix. If there is no agreement try to work out an exceptable agreement based upon two or more of the suggestions.

Rarely do we resolve Conflicts in our marraige or relationship. I feel that it is either her way or no way. There is far to much Yelling, cussing and swearing. At least I am able to apologize for the things that I do that I believe are wrong or hurtfull. My wife has to be backed into a corner to admit she maybe wrong and it is like pulling nails with your fingers to get an apology

I get the Pleasure of hearing her preach to me about everything I have done wrong during our marraige and made to feel that everything is my fault. But I can not blame her completely for our problems, because it takes two people to dance.

She comes from a family that was Abusive both Physically and Mentally. She has been in Physically Abusive relationships before. She was Molested as a child. During the 9 years I have known her and her family I can clearly see the affect that her parents had on he Mental outlook on life. I can see her mother in the way she treats me, it is just like the way that her mother treated her dad. I do not believe that I ever saw any Physical display of love or affection in the parents. I believe that in the 9 years I could count the number of times that either said they loved the other on the fingers of one of my hands.

I believe that the problem is that she believes that to be a “Strong Black Woman” you must be in total control and that is is permissable to Order, Control, Dictate and Boss your spouse around. That comprimise means giving up or giving in.

Read this short book called “Where's Daddy” that was a great approach to dealing with the many faces of women's relationships and how important it is to deal with one's issues from their first love – their father. I wish more women would look deeper into the mirror and work on themselves, love themselves, and choose men that reflect the love they have for themselves.

http://www.amazon.com/Wheres-D...

On the ABS Syndrome – I wrote a poem about it. When I wrote the poem I tried to really get inside of a woman with ABS to dig deeper and try to put words to their frustrations:

ABS – If I never told you
If I Never Told You……………………………

I smile every time I hear you compliment how strong I am

But

Truth Is

I’m not as strong as you think

I am………………..
Tired
Burdened
Disappointed
Overwhelmed

I never wanted to be the bread winner.
My body is tired from being mother, maid, provider, cook, and protector of your ego.
I don’t mind sitting in the passenger side seat instead of driving all the time.
I wish I could count on you to handle business and speak on behalf of our family.
I want you to be my strength, love, protector, and provider.

I can’t replace your absence in our home

Who will keep me safe at night?
Who will I give the big piece of chicken to?
Who will keep me warm in bed?
Who will teach my son to be a man?
Who will teach my daughter how a man loves a woman?
Who will intimidate her dates and see through the games men play to protect her from harm?
Who will I lean on when the world is too cold and tough for me to handle?
Whose arms can I run to and feel safe and secure?

I don’t want to fight with you.

I want us to get along.
I want you to love, honor, and respect me.
I want you to be faithful and committed to your family and our journey.
I want you to be my friend who I can laugh and share with.
I want you to help because you know I’m not made of super human strength.

I want us to stay together.

How about if we both put work into this relationship?
How about if we take time to see the other person’s point of view?
How about understanding it’s not about fault or who’s right and who’s wrong?
How about wanting to be happy with me?
How about doing the little extra things for each other because we both benefit?
How about communicating with me your needs and desires?

So if I never told you:

I’m dying from the inside out. The frown, anger, and attitude you see is simply me crying for help in a twisted way. I’ve been hurt, disappointed, neglected, abandoned, and overworked. I now understand that I can not blame anyone else for my situation as I took part in the creation and demise of my existence. I don’t have to remain this way but the burdens placed on me are truly greater than I can bear.

I want to support you, but the same man I want to stand behind and cheer is killing me.
I can’t be a man and a woman and be pleasant to deal with at the same time.
I can’t do it all and I don’t want to.
I’d much rather work as a team being your love and supportive foundation.
I was created to be your co-pilot NOT the captain, co-pilot, gourmet cook, stewardess, navigation expert, f.a.a. guideline regulator and administrative assistant.

I’m writing this because angry black woman syndrome does not allow you to see my hurt, fear, disappointment, and sadness hidden behind a mask of “I’m superwoman.” I just thought you should know that I’m hurting more than you know.
I was never created to be the head of the household, yet it is a role so often given to me due to circumstances.

If I never told you…………………..I cry
If I never told you……………………I’m sad
If I never told you…………………..I’m not superwoman
If I never told you……………………I serve as no replacement for you
If I never told you………………….I don’t want to be alone
If I never told you……………………I want to live happily ever after like Cinderella
If I never told you…………………..I love you and want you around for a lifetime
If I never told you……………………..I always wanted to a wife not a baby momma
If I never told you……………………I miss you every day since you’ve been gone
If I never told you………………………I want you. Who cares about right and wrong
If I never told you……………………..I still want to believe in you and us
If I never told you……………………….I’m still waiting for prince charming
If I never told you……………………..I have a heart the size of the world for you
If I never told you………………………..I need your help
If I never told you………………………I’m not Super Woman or Wonder Woman
If I never told you……………………..I am your rib sent by God to build with you

If I never told you…………………………..
Sad, disappointed, abandoned little girls turn into mean bitter women over the years.