Unwritten Rules of Relationships

It is so hard to find a man! Every man has heard a woman say that at one point or another.   However, at the same time a woman will tell you that she has no problem getting asked out on dates.  So being confused, as anyone would be,you ask them to clear up the obvious contradiction.   Women will tell you  its not hard to find a man but its hard  finding a GOOD man.  So the next obvious question is whats a GOOD man?  Someone that will treat you right and someone can fall in love with.  Ok, a good man is the man that will treat you right and someone you can fall in love with.  Why is that so hard to find?  You would think it should be rather easy to find.  Many men want someone to love and want respect as well.  So finding someone who loves you should be rather easy.  However it really not that easy.

I am a firm believer that your life is the sum total of the choices you have made.   Many women end up with bad men not because the men are bad but because women make bad choices when they are looking for something  good.   Can a woman think a man is  good but all of a sudden he turns around, betrays your trust and hurts you out of the blue.  Yes that can happen.   My point is many times you can’t find a GOOD man because you really don’t know how to choose a good man.  When someone says I want a GOOD man, just ask them what is a good man?  If they say anything like “Someone I can love” , “Someone that will treat me right and with respect” , you have a problem right there.   Shouldn’t every woman want a man to treat them well and with respect?  Of course.  Shouldn’t all women want to find someone they can fall in love with and have a family? Of course.   However, when a woman says that she is speaking about her desires for him.  She is not talking about what that man is.  Is he a man honest man when you are not around?  Who gives a damn if the man is honest with you but lies to everyone else.   A liar is a liar.  Is he a thoughtful man when you are not around?  Does he care about HIS family?  Does he look after his grandparents?  Does he care about HIS community?  Do other people know him as respectful when you are not around.   Too many women based they relationships based on how they are treated in the relationship.  You may say “If he treats me right why does it matter what else he does.”  What the man does when you are not around is who he really is.  The measure of the goodness of a man is in what he does with everyone and everything in his life that nothing to do with you!  Men and women can put on their best face when they are trying to get someone.  However, after he gets you it wont be long before  they way he treats everything in his life except you, will soon include you.  Then all of a sudden he is a jerk!  I thought he was different.  I didn’t know he had these problems.  Blah, blah, blah.

The truth is you are looking in the wrong place to find a GOOD man.   You don’t have to ask many questions because people lie anyway.  You have to be very observant to see the GOOD he does that nothing to do with you.   If he does good without you, he will be good to you!!  Then you will have a much better chance of finding a GOOD man.

I’m sure many woman have been out on dates they thought went really well, only to never get a call back for a second date.

You figure if you had a good time and want a second date, then he certainly must. WRONG!

Here are 8 things you can do to pretty much ensure a second date.

1. Smile when you greet him. Nothing beats a welcoming smile. Too often we greet our dates with a look of shear anger, which gives them the perception that we are either uninterested or not really happy about going on the date.

2. Talk like you have some sense and not like a baracuda from the gutter. Believe it or not, men do like intelligent women who speak proper english.

3. Dress appropriately. Try your best to dress with sense, style and class. If you’re over 30, please don’t wear something my teenage daughter would wear. If you’re fat and out of shape, remember the rule, just because it stretches that doesn’t mean it’s for you. And for God sakes don’t dress like a Friday night whore.

4. Don’t dominate the conversion. You may be a wonderful person, but remember the world doesn’t revolve around you.

5. Ask him questions and take interest in what he says. Often times, women don’t ask men questions and therefore learn absolutely nothing about who they’re on a date with.

6. Don’t ask him how much money he makes…. PERIOD!

7. Don’t be a maneater and grill him on if and when he wants to get married, if he wants kid and when he wants them, etc, etc.

8. THANK HIM for the lovely date. A little appreciation goes a long way…..

Listen to our Cupid’s Hunt Podcast Collaboration contribution. Enjoy the sounds of “Closer” by Corinne Bailey Rae from her new album “The Sea”… Thx Todd Grundy for creating this wonderful project!

In show 003 we talk about how some people want to be married just for the sake of being married. Sounds crazy doesn’t it? We know; that’s exactly why we had to talk about it.

Take a listen and leave us your comments on this show topic.

We love hearing from our audience.

The other night I was flipping through the stations and watched a couple of minutes of the “I Love Ray J” show.  This show is crazy,  but there was something interesting happening.  Ray J is down to his three final women and he wanted some of his friends/”homies” , along with Snoop Dogg, to come by his house to check out the girls and give him their thoughts.  Well one his homies  revealed, one of the girls had slept with another one of the homies.  Now they started to clown this girl and made sure to let Ray J know she was too much of a ho.  Now these guys seemed like they wouldn’t mind a loose/ fast girl,  but they did.  They all felt like she had crossed the line and wasn’t right for Ray J because she was basically too much of a ho.  That had me thinking about the fact that no matter how much men tell women to be sexy and really want to play around  with the sexy fast girl.  There is no way they really want that woman to be their lady.

I think so many women nowadays feel more open than ever about their sexuality.  Many young women feel that sleeping around is the big deal.   However, I think many women are really misguided in this area.  Many men will play and have sex with a ho but a man is going to be in love with a real woman.  Does that mean that real women aren’t sexy? Of course not, sex appeal is not necessarily the clothes a women wears.  Most of the time its the way  she carries herself that men will find sexy in a much more lasting way.    Its true that men will flock around fast woman in tight clothes.  Those women will  enjoy a lot of artificial attention and pseudo love.   This type of attention is for the pleasure of sex not for a relationship/wife.  No man EVER wants other men to know that his wife is , was or has ever been considered a ho.  Why is that?  because no man wants to bring children in this world from a ho.   Believe it or not ladies, men want a good woman. Men want a woman they can call theirs, not someone everyone has had their hands on.  No man ever wants to meet a man and have him say ” Your wife is great in bed”.

The truth is that men don’t look at sex the same way for a women period.  Ladies,  if many men love to play with you in bed but not stay with you in a relationship.

1. You find yourself holding her purse.

2. She tells you what to wear.

3. She buys clothes that aren’t your style & you wear them to make her happy.

4. You lie to your boys to hang out with her instead.

5. You get a pedicure, manicure, or your eyebrows waxed.

6. You go to the store to buy tampons.

7. She talks sh!t about your family & you let her.

8. She made you watch “The Notebook”.

9. You have to tell her everywhere you go.

10. She makes you turn off sports & watch reality T.V.

Adapted from – http://www.time2man-up.com/?p=147

In show 002 we’re talking about open marriages; oh, and swingers too. Many participate in open marriages and feel it’s natural and healthy for their relationship. We’ll talk about it all in this episode.

Check out the show and leave us comments. We love to hear from our audience.

If we are to believe the movies, the ruthless tough guy always gets the girl. And didn’t it seem that the bad boys at school always had the hottest babes? The best looking girls always seem to love the bad guys. Maybe because the best looking guys always became the bad guys? Everywhere we tend to see bad guys and nice girls. We see fools and meatheads with the girls of our fantasies. In the mall we see our flaxen haired goddesses with America’s Most Wanted. Is it nature at work, is it us, what has gone awry?

Men are confused. We like to refer to stereotypes and work from them. Men are told that we need to be a hero and a tough guy. But then we are told we need to be in touch with our sensitive sides. Meanwhile the man down the street who treats his girlfriends like crap, never calls, is rude and disrespect appears to have a fan club developing. Life, my friends, can seem unfair. But let’s look at what is going on with this scenario.

Interest. Bad guys are interesting, they do interesting things. They have strayed from the straight-and-narrow and have developed their own code of conduct. They do what they want. They go where they want. They answer to no one. They are, in other words, fascinating. Tow the line, do as you are told and inevitably you will be become dull. Mavericks are interesting, straight guys are not.

Bad guys are confident and self assured. They know what they’re about and don’t really care what others think. They are their own men and don’t need others to prop them up. Bad guys don’t have to be in shape, just look at James Galdofini from The Sopranos, who is immensely attractive despite his rotund appearance. Some can become almost caricaturesof themselves, but that doesn’t make them any less attractive.

Plus bad guys are a challenge. We all love a challenge, and women may love a challenge even more than the boys. If something is a challenge, the end results must surely be worthwhile, right? The girls who go after bad guys want to find the pot of gold at the end of crazy rainbow. They will go to great lengths to solve their mysteries. And once they have them, once they’ve conquered the challenge, they don’t want to let go. Plus it makes for an exciting rollercoaster ride because the bad guy could walk away at any moment. The greater the danger of loosing a bad guy, the greater the effort they’ll put forth to keep them. And there may be a lesson there.

What do we have if we combine these facets? Power, strength of character, confidence, a maverick nature and an immensely interesting personality equals sexiness. That is exactly what the bad boy is, so it’s no surprise that this type of guy often get the gal. It doesn’t mean to say that we like them, and it doesn’t mean it is fair or even a good thing, but raw attraction can be nature’s way.

I am not in any way suggesting that we should all be Mr. Bad Guy. Not at all. What I am saying is that there are lessons to be learned here. What is attractive can be modified and added to our arsenal of dating weaponry. How you perceive yourself that matters the most. If you can increase your confidence levels, get your career on the right tracks, excel in what you do and be your own man within the confines of your working life, then you’ll get that bad boy confidence. And that attitude will boost your attractiveness. You don’t need to go around being bad, but you can be a bit more deliberate in your actions, a little less available and a little more enigmatic. This will boost your interest factor and again help in your attractiveness.

The modern dating game is highly complex and courting rituals can be a minefield. Go back to basics, analyze what is it that you think potential partners would like and think about how can you match of yourself to those qualities. Changing just a few small things could make the world of difference.

courtesy of TopDatingTips.com

I know by know that everybody has jumped in on the Tiger Woods drama.   I’m not here to bash Tiger actually quite the opposite.  First and foremost, unless you know Tiger and his family personally, you really don’t know what is going on.    I don’t care what the media reports.   Most of us know that a marriage is hardly ever black and white.  Most of the time, many of them exist in the gray area.

I have heard many women say Tiger should never have cheated.  I think he should have never gotten married in the first place!  First, we are talking about TIGER WOODS not Bob from accounting or Mike from the block.  I think its safe to say that he lives in a different world than most of us will ever know.  A world where just about anything he wants he can have and the temptation level is high 24 hours a day.  So when your in a position like that you have to understand who you are before you get married or in a relationship.  Forget about Tiger, many men and women are in relationships for reasons other than true commitment.  Many of us  set up  “self made disguises” to hide who we really are to be in a situation we think is right.

That’s where the problem starts.  You may want to be with someone who you know is a great person and would make a great companion. However,  in your heart, you are not at a place where you can be what THEY want.  So you disguise yourself to become what they want so you can be with a person.   For example, you are the party girl who has never found the right kind of man.  A man comes along, who doesn’t party, but is everything you want in a man.  However, you still like the party life.  So what do you do? You put on your disguise to make it work because you know he is a “good” man.  Now you have a conflict set up inside yourself because you not being yourself.  You are becoming  what you think you “should” be.   Now you have started to lie to yourself.  You will never be successful lying to yourself!

Everyday men and women  find people to be with in there lives and make this mistake. A woman who starts to become what she “thinks” is the type of woman her man wants.  Not who she really is.  A man who doesn’t really want to marry his girlfriend but does out of an obligation he feels  because they have been dating for years.   The truth is that a relationship/marriage is like a truth serum.  No matter how hard you try,  you can never hide from yourself!  You can only have a good relationship/marriage by being yourself and telling the truth.  What happens when people live a lie? People will do things to cope with the lie such as cheating , drinking , smoking, drugs, etc, etc, etc.   Why? Because a Tiger can never change his stripes and you can’t be any other person  other than the person you are!

Have you heard that song by Melanie Fiona, “It Kills Me”? I LOVE that song, but as I listened to the lyrics of this song; I quickly realized this should not be any woman’s theme song (no offense Melanie).  Like I said, I love this song; Melanie has a great voice – I mean the sista can blow, the track is hot and the harmonies are solid. However, don’t be so quick to make it your theme song for 2010. Have you checked the lyrics??

Let me recap:

1st Verse:

Oh yaahh ive got trouble with my friends
Trouble in my life
Problems when you don’t come home at night
But when you do you always start a fight
But I cant be alone , I need you to come on home
I know you messin around, but who the hell else is gonna hold me down

—Ok, from the jump this isn’t sounding too good. Problem #1 – your man isn’t coming home. Problem #2 – you know he’s messing around, but this is the type of cat you want holding you down; CA-RAY-ZEEEEEE!!!

2nd Verse:

Should I grab his cell, call this chick up
Start some shhhh then hang up
Or I should I be a lady
Oohh maybe cuz I wanna have his babies
Ohh yah yahh cuz I don’t wanna be alone
I dont need to be on my own
But I love this man
But some things I cant stand ohhhh

—Huh, sounds like things are not improving. Let’s see, can you point out the craziest part of this verse? Oh, you caught that too? Yes, he’s a liar and a cheat and YET, you want to have his babies. What kind of new fangled shit is this?!?!?!?!?

Some women have a tendency to hang on to relationships that mean them no good simply because they don’t want to be alone. But, being alone is sometimes necessary; to clear your head, get rid of excess baggage and rediscover who you really are.  Doing this will better equip you for the next relatonship. No man wants a jacked up insecure woman.

You know how y’all are so quick to make a song your theme song for the year, but ladies, this one clearly isn’t it!

Now that we got that out the way, enjoy the video, but remember, if your relationship kills you; you need to kill it!